


Decrescendo

by rtaf



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Exams, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Minor Injuries, Raywood, Scratching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8591455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rtaf/pseuds/rtaf
Summary: Crescent; the curved sickle shape of the waxing or waning moon etched into his skin.Ryan found himself at a loss for words, mouth hanging open lamely. "Okay, so you don't really know why? Or you're not up for telling me?" Ray asked, letting out the concern he was feeling. Ryan shook his head, "no it's not that I, I don't know. I just got really angry and my body kinda reacted."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ventfic? Ventfic. Please don't hurt yourselves. I love you.

Ryan glared at the screen, frustration creeping up on him. He'd been on the same level for hours, desperately trying to fight through the second to last level boss. Normally, he wouldn't dedicate this much time or anger at a game, he'd simply shut it off and try again later. It was different this time. He can't always resort to quitting- what does that say about his personality?

So, he trudged on, hitting the button to restart the fight. He heard his phone vibrate on the desk behind him but kept playing, trying to get into the zone. Four hits to the knee, one to the- the monster swiped at his characters chest and killed him in one shot. Ryan grunted loudly and took one hand, clenching at nothing and let his nails dig into the meat of his palm.

When he pulled them back he saw the marks left behind, faint crescent shapes in the skin. Dark and then raising up to leave only a light pink tint behind. He stared at them for a few seconds before turning back to the game. He knew he was being stupid, getting upset enough to do something like that, but when he lost again his first instinct was to repeat the motion. The pain acting as punishment for his failures.

After six more tries his hand was red instead of pink, oh and he'd beat the level.

 

It didn't happen for a while after that. Ryan's life allowing for his relatively relaxed personality to hang around. His palm had healed by the next day and he didn't think about it for a couple of weeks. Until the Tuesday he was seated in the chair beside his teacher's desk, knee deep in a "conversation" that had turned into more of an argument by the end of it. The teacher argued that while Ryan's thesis was sound and the essay was well worded, his conclusion was awkward and messy.

Ryan had never heard a comment about his work like that, and had certainly never had five percent deducted because of it. He was adamant about how it was worded in a specific way to further his point and _maybe_ Mr. Rubin found it awkward because he skimmed over some details. The teacher glared at him and handed him back the essay with a dismissive tone as he wished him, "better luck next time. Adhere to my notes and maybe you'll get the mark you wanted." 

Ryan clenched the papers tightly and as he exited the classroom and dropped them into the recycling bin. With his now free hands, he crossed his arms and dug his fingers into his bicep. Using his self inflicted punishment as a blanket for his emotions was better than yelling. He didn't let go the whole way to his locker, and then once packed up, the whole way home.

The next day he showed up to school in a longer sleeved shirt, one that stopped centimeters short of his elbows just to hide the marks that, this time, were taking a bit longer to heal. This wouldn't become a habit, he reassured himself, categorizing it as a small slip up. Unfortunately it wasn't that easy. With the school year coming to an end it felt as if the smallest things were ticking him off. His friends slowly started becoming just as irritated with their own lives, which left no time for relaxing group hangouts. Once Ryan's schedule was filled to the brim with revision and schoolwork, things boiled up and overflowed.

 

He had been hanging out with Gavin and Ray, attempting to study at the food court in the mall while having a half hearted debate. "Gavin, you cannot tell me that you actually believe the pyramids were built by aliens," Ryan said, adopting an irritated tone. No matter what look he gave him, Gavin persisted. "But I am telling you and they were! How the bloody hell could some old dumb blokes have managed to stack them that high?"

Ryan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose while Ray cracked up quietly beside them, letting out a snort as he tried to hold in his laughter. "Listen Gav, if you can give me solid proof I'll believe you. Call up Zeeglop and his friends to give us the real story," Ryan teased, making Gavin huff in annoyance.

"You'll see. One day, the truth will come out," Gavin warned, effectively ending the conversation when Ryan gave up on trying to reason with him and turned back to his books. Soon after, Gavin's phone went off and he took the call, telling his mom he'd meet her downstairs. They all said their goodbyes and then he headed down, with one final shout to Ryan to, "just believe in the system." Whatever that means.

Ryan caught Ray rolling his eyes from the corner of his own and smirked. "Alright, back to memorizing algebraic equations," he said, making Ray whine and attempt to shut all their open notebooks. The boy eventually pulled himself into a sitting position that was comfortable enough to continue, scooting his chair loudly across the ceramic floors. He crossed his legs, letting one rest a majority of the way into Ryan's lap.

Ryan rested a hand on his friend's knee and continued reading, only leaving it there as a precaution to him falling forward and smacking his head on the table. He tried out a few practice equations and only succeeded in answering two out of five correctly. With a grimace he started over on all three and took his time, working out the numbers in his head. He grit his teeth together when he figured he was taking longer than he should be but fought through it, only to be met by an interruption halfway through. "Ryan what the heck is this equation? How am I supposed to solve for three variables with only this bullshit?" Ray asked, shoving the question in front of Ryan's face.

Ryan exhaled quietly and took the hand that was holding the paper, adjusting it further back so he could actually look at the thing. His eyes skimmed the question but none of the words were really going through. He gently moved Ray's arm away and looked back to his original work. "Give me a sec, okay? I just wanna get through this damn practice question. God help me if we get one like this on the test, I think I'll pull my hair out." Ray chuckled understandingly at the expression and sat tight, waiting for Ryan's full attention. He pulled out his phone in the meantime, took a quick well earned break. He scrolled through his social medias and even played a round of Clash before tucking the phone away. As he looked back over to Ryan he noticed his friend hunched on the table, eyes glazed over and pencil in the same spot it was ten minutes ago.

"Hey Rye, you alright?" He asked, waving a hand in front of the other's face when his words didn't get his attention. Ryan blinked a few times before sitting up. "I-" he started and his face fell, mouth distorting into a scowl as he shoved the paper across the table. "I give up. I can't do this anymore. Ugh," he groaned, hands beginning to shake with frustration. He felt an overwhelming urge rise through his system. Ray watched as Ryan brought his hands up and took a spot on each side of his throat, dragging them down quickly but hard enough to make shaky pink lines run down the length. The action only took seconds but Ray felt frozen in time. He didn't react fast enough but as soon as he processed what he was seeing was actually happening, he reached out and grabbed Ryan's wrists.

"What the fuck? What the fuck?! What was that, Ryan? Stop it," he said, getting more worried with each question. Ryan snapped out of it when Ray gave his arm a light smack, and he bit at his lip as Ray eyed him cautiously. Ryan hadn't even considered his nail thing as a problem before this. He hadn't even considered it to be a form of self harm, but the look that Ray was giving tipped him off pretty quickly. "Sorry," he replied, suddenly realizing that he had done something wrong. "Uh, slip of the brain I guess."

That didn't cut it for Ray and he quickly dropped Ryan's hands, packing up all of their stuff in a pile and moving it out of arm's reach. He then forced Ryan to turn in his chair and face him. It didn't feel like they were in public anymore, not that anyone was paying attention to them anyways. "Seriously, why did you do that?" he asked, searching for something in Ryan's eyes, his body language, anything, for an answer. Ryan found himself at a loss for words, mouth hanging open lamely. "Okay, so you don't really know why? Or you're not up for telling me?" Ray asked, letting out the concern he was feeling. Ryan shook his head, "no it's not that I, yeah, I don't know. I just got really angry and my body kinda reacted."

"Alright so first things first, not cool. Like, at all. What the fuck Ryan you scared me so bad. I'm still scared. This isn't normal dude. Is this the first time? Do you like hurting yourself?" Ryan winced at the harsh words. Why the fuck was he being judged? For the first time since it happened he registered how much he was hurting. The darkening lines stinging against his sensitive skin. "No, I don't like hurting myself," he snapped. "Don't be an asshole, Ray. I'm not crazy." Ryan pulled his chair in the other direction to distance himself and turned away. He rested them palms up on the table and looked down at them regretfully.

Ray frowned, he hadn't meant to come off so rude but he was scared. Scared of and for his friend. He glanced over wearily and decided to apologize. He didn't want to escalate anything, especially when Ryan looked like he could use some help. "Hey, uh I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just- I just want you to be okay. Y'know?" Ryan still didn't look at him and he felt fucked. Waiting for a response he rested a hand on Ryan's shoulder, trying to let him know without words that he was here for him.

When Ryan did look back at him his eyes were glossy, this time with tears. He asked Ray if they could go somewhere else to talk and if that would be okay. Ray nodded encouragingly and helped Ryan pack their stuff into their backpacks. He gave him another pat on the shoulder as they walked out of the food court and over to the escalators. The walk over to Ryan's, the closest house out of both of theirs to the mall, was spent in silence. Only the sound of the cars racing beside them to fill the air.

Ryan unlocked the door to his house slowly and Ray followed him upstairs, sitting down on his friend's bed without any prompting. "I don't really know what to say. I guess all I want you to know is that I don't do it to hurt myself," Ryan confessed, pacing a few steps and looking at Ray with the level of innocence that had Ray nodding along. They've known each other for long enough that Ray figures he can trust Ryan's claim. "So you've done it before?" Ray asked timidly. Ryan gave a shrug, "no. Not like this, actually. I've only ever dug my nails into my skin like, as an accident kind of."

Ray sighed internally, trying to think of what to say next. "If you're not doing it on purpose," he settled on, "we just need to find you an alternative. Right?" "Yeah," Ryan answered. "I'd like that." He took a few deep breaths, willing the shaky breaths away. "Sorry for scaring you. I think seeing you like that scared me too. I barely even realized what I was doing I just needed... an outlet." "Something to get the stress and frustration out?" Ray offered and Ryan looked over somewhat surprised. "No, I get it. It's tough trying to teach yourself everything you weren't taught all year for a dumb exam. But Ry, you don't have to do anything to yourself. Take a break for a few days. Come stay at my house where I fuckin' assure you no studying will take place."

Ryan chuckled, taking a seat next to Ray but let himself fall backwards onto his bed. "Seriously?" He asked, just to be sure. "Completely," Ray answered, getting up off the bed and walking over to the door before turning around. "Oh no," Ryan let out, recognizing what was about to happen. "Oh yes," Ray countered, scuffing his shoe against the carpet like a bull getting ready to charge at a red cape. He started running, three long strides before he jumped into the air and landed on top of Ryan, being caught inches from the other's body. He forced his full weight down until Ryan dropped him with an "oof." Ray examined the healing skin on Ryan's neck, running his fingers across the bumpy parts. He didn't want to set the mood back so he rolled off and smirked like everything was normal. "Now there's no way you can be sad. You're becoming a natural at goofing off. That's a life talent you'll thank me for later."

Ryan smiled, easing into a happier mindset for the time being.

 

Two weeks pass and Ryan's in the middle of his math exam, eyes flicking from the long answer question to the clock and back. Okay, fifteen minutes left, which gives him five minutes to go back and finish the question he skipped back on page two and the final calculation back on question seven. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds. It's taking a lot out of him to stay in the exam and not just hand it in early like Ray. Who had also texted him inconspicuously that he'll be waiting for him outside on the stairs. Ryan closes his hand into a fist and presses, turning back to the page and working out the last problem. He eases up after a while but when he realizes he's running out of time he scratches against his jeans impatiently. His newfound habit not letting up with the more stress that piles up.

He decides to quit while he's ahead, leaving the final question unanswered but with, hopefully, enough marks to pass the portion. He gets up and drops off his test before hurrying out of the room to meet up with Ray. Ryan spots him easily, all curled up in his hoodie by the base of the staircase. Ray turns around when he feels Ryan tap him on the shoulder and stands up to greet him. Ryan pulls him into a brief hug, emotions running high. "It was hard and I might've left before I finished." "But it's over," Ray cut him off, pulling back from the hug. "And now we can go back to mine and play halo until our brains melt."

Ryan nods, "sounds like a plan." He follows Ray up the staircase and out the front doors. For a moment he catches Ray looking at his hands and feels self conscious. He tucks them into his pockets and gives a small smile to put the boy at ease. He'll get there, at some point. He just needs to get his mind and body on the same level.

**Author's Note:**

> Some cheesy lines in here but sometimes clichés are clichéd for a reason.


End file.
